It’s weird to be away from home for a long time just to come back to find your mother’s personality has entirely changed.  I can hear her from upstairs yelling at the Carolina Game “OH, COME ON GUYS!”….

Since when did my mom start talking to televisions—first off—and since when did she become a football fan?

Is this part of the “big change”?

I have an audition and I have to be a “crying girl”!!  The only thing that really ever makes me cry is Destiny’s Child and movie trailers.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Destiny’s Child mixed with the Harry Potter 7 trailer will just distract me from my goal.

People say something trying to impress you but you’re already pretty unimpressed by this person to even think that something they say is worth listening to, but they keep going on about it anyway just because they want to feel better about themselves even though they’re not really ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS.

GOOOOOD MOOOOORNING CALIFORNIA!

So I recently befriended this guy that I had a crush on in middle school & today he facebook chatted me!! Obviously this was one of my tween fantasies come true so I wanted to sound funny & like the “girl that got away”.

This is where our conversation has ended at the moment:

Me

we had a disaster of a toilet clog (via him) last thursday and now I and the other therapists have to teach him what to do…if that were to happen again…he went from tuesday to thursday with his toilet being clogged, shitting in it STILL, without telling me…FML

Josh

ohhhh that’s no good

Me

yeah, he’s 18…

Josh

I like that you put (via him) just so I would know it wasn’t one of your massive turds that clogged up the toilet

hahaha

…my tween fantasy sucks

I’m at my grandma’s house for the day because later tonight we’re celebrating my 22nd birthday.  Eek…

Anyway, my great grandma lives with my grandparents and she asked me to wheel her into her bedroom to look for a piece of jewelry.  She proceeded to look for a pin to wear to my party, but couldn’t find it.

My grandma came in and pointed out to my great grandma that she was already wearing it. This is the conversation that took place:

Grandma: Well mom, you already have your pin on your sweater.

Great Grandma: Well why in the world did you pin it up so high? I can’t even see it.

Grandma: Well did you want me to pin it by your booby?

Great Grandma: Well I would have been able to find it! (Looking at me) I never had boobs when I was growing up either Kayla.

Me: Okay, thanks.

Great Grandma: Now that I don’t need boobs, I have big ones. Want to see a 91 year old ladies boobs?

Grandma: Mom, put your shirt back down.

EXIT KAYLA STAGE LEFT.